I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
