I could have mohawked her pubes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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