After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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