??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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