Plan B is the new Plan A
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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