Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
