Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
