So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
