Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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