also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This show inspires me to have sex in space
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He has the fingertips of a God
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
