I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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