So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
should my penis look like a turkey
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
