i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
