i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
foreskin is a definite game changer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
