This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
