She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
