so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
