id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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