five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
