the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
