If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
