So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
