I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
