are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
