she woke up with a sticky ear
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
