the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
