i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
