Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
