shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
