your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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