Me too!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
