I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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