Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
