True but thats because hes a fetus.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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