so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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