He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
