Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
