So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
