I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
