so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
