I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
