I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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