i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
