did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
