she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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