im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
