So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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