Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
