wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
