I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
