I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
