So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
