so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think i have two assholes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
